Well Esteemed

Having a low self esteem is to simply slap my creator in the face with a 2x4 and call it crap. Blunt? Of course! When I am struggling with how I look, my body, hair, clothes or any other aesthetic characteristic that is out of my control, I am telling the same creator of this universe he has failed, the one who so intricately designed me before my mother knew who I was, The One who made me BEAUTIFULLY perfect in his image, who did not use ONE template and design variations but instead made ONE ME and called me PERFECT. Unlike me he didn't need 18 tries before he found the right look. He took one shot and nailed it. Why do I think my idea of beauty is so much better than his? It's like I get frustrated with the way, He the PERFECT ONE made me when he should be getting frustrated with me that I even think there is another option to what I look like.

It's not about having smaller this and bigger that, prettier those and brighter these. It's about embracing what we have been given. Sure we all have failures but let's not allow the world to shape what those aesthetic failures are. Let's deal with what we have been given and cherish that! We (at least I sure do!) have enough issues going on within myself why in the world bring on more stress and failure of what we perceive to be beautiful outside? It's a perpetual cycle of self destruction and I am sick of allowing a fable to run my emotions and relationships. Every single physical change I have changed and achieved does NOT magically make me feel beautiful. It's knowing the fact that nothing and everything will make me beautiful. Nothing the world can give me yet everything I already have. Yes, I have failures and yes I have a whole heck of a lotta junk in my heart I need to work through in order to make any impact in this world and keep solid relationships but I do not have aesthetic failures and I was made perfectly in his image. You might not think I'm pretty but I don't care. You might think I'm gorgeous and that's fine.

At the end of the day even when I'm doubting my self image, what assures me I am in fact beautiful is knowing there is not one single person who looks like me because he created ME PERFECTLY.

So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27

Real

Ok this is going to be a bit well REAL. As a woman I have had enough of the fake, competitive, snotty, "I'm better than you's" type mentality, attitude and personality at it's greatest. We all suffer, we all have body image issues, we are all uncertain about what the future holds and we are all taken advantage of no matter how much we stomp our feet. Instead of putting on a facade and acting like everything is okay or we are totally secure and confident, why not be REAL and AUTHENTIC and show our personality for what God created it to be? After all his ways are perfect and blameless and clearly mine are not.

God's way is perfect. All the LORD's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection.

Psalm 18:30

Everything from the way we dress to the way we treat people is a much deeper issue. We are women and we are wired emotionally, we express what is in our hearts from the inside out. It's like the smoker who has tar built up in his lungs and when he coughs heavily, black phlegm is coughed out. Just like lungs, our hearts accumulate dark resin that will build up unless we take care of it. By hiding what is going on in our lives and putting on a front we are just visually displaying a symptom of far greater issues. Sure, there are things that the whole world doesn't need to know in detail but reality is we live in a dark, hurting world that is dealing with the same crap we are all dealing with.

I myself, find myself flipping into default mode and acting like life is great and everything is ok when things get tough because as women that is our "job". We lighten the mood up, we bring joy and we give compassion to those around us. By not allowing myself to be real and authentic I am being unfair to those around me and selfish to my own insecurities. Sure I might be judged, looked down upon or never talked to again but with 100% certainty I can say I have never once regretted being real, genuine and truthful. The Lord each and every time I have broken down that tough outer shell has absolutely worked through me and his love was highlighted. His love is UNCONDITIONAL, FREE and LIMITLESS. How selfish am I to not share my own heart, life and trials with others due to my own insecurities or fears?

Is anyone thirsty?

Come and drink—

even if you have no money!

Come, take your choice of wine or milk—

it’s all free!

Isaiah 55

I pray for every single women, girl and female that feels insecure, inadequate and unworthy. I pray we will be able to be real with each other and not let what the world has deemed as 'unacceptable' become an outline for our hearts but rather let the unconditional, incomparable love of Christ be our guideline and life path.

People

Upon opening my mail today and reading that my license had been suspended due to a miscommunication and racing to the court to talk to the judge before they were closed for the weekend, then being told I owe a large sum of money due to something that was not my fault and breaking down in the lobby and the police station in front of everyone in their brother, only to be told that my court hearing is a week away and that I had to go half way across town to the MVD before they closed, I was struck with the realization that when we die and finish this rat race the only thing we will have left are the people we impacted and the experiences we had. Not just the people that are close to us but those people who are hurting more than we ever will. Yearning for just a simple smile. None of the chaos or money on this Earth will be brought with us. None of the hurt, pain, tears, agony will be brought with us when we go to HEAVEN.

Though I am enduring trials beyond my power, it is showing me just how weak I am. How powerless and unfaithful I am. Comfort is easy, strain and pressure is not easy. A life worth living is not easy. I will have the rug ripped beneath my feet, I will have money taken from my hand and I will have all comfort taken away but those things that really matter will always remain and the circumstances around me will never change that.

It's the small things

Jeremiah 29:11 (New Living Translation)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Separation

I have noticed more and more lately that people distinguish themselves by their diet (from Merriam-webster it's defined as; food or drink regularly provided or consumed of choice.) Sure I think it's great to be Vegan or Vegetarian or Flexitarian or what have you. (Just for the record, I have been all three and didn't think one was any better just a matter of physical needs for various seasons of life). None of them pose problems it's when it becomes the identifying factor of a person's life that it's an issue. I HATE (yes I used that word which is very rare) to see beautiful women become consumed by a particular diet. If it defines who you are and you feel lost without having this label than it's stealing your joy and who you are. I know this because I have done it and been there far longer than I would want anyone to have to endure.

We are made to be creative individuals, bringing glory to God and JOY to others through that. When we are so rigidly following guidelines and writing off certain situations or people because they don't fit into our little box plan we are not using that creativity and the potential God gifted us with. It is about priorities and if food is becoming a higher priority than those that rank higher well then somethings gotta give. Though I want to have it all (God (church),clean diet, running, yoga, strength, boyfriend, frie

nds, job, school) it is impossible to always have it all. I have learned that more than ever in the past two months and you know what I have finally accepted it and it feels REALLY GOOD. I have tapped into a JOY I had forgotten about because I'm not stressing and overwhelmed with doing too much and instead doing what really matters in the end.

It's as simple yet profound as prioritizing every task we do into what and who really matters the most. Sure it might just be a once a week missed dinner with friends or one hour less with a girlfriend on a Friday night for a run but that one hour may be just what was needed and they may have just the perfect words for a current struggle. It's all about weighing and balancing it out. God will continue to bless as we put what matters most first. For me it has meant, being on a schedule to allow time for what is important, somedays I

don't have time for exercise or making a healthy home cooked dinner that night and other times I have to say no to a social activity and have some me time during a nice long run but in the end it's all worth it and I never regret it because I did what I knew was the most important and beneficial to those around me.

So basically what I'm trying to say is never ever let the beauty and joy of food and life be stole by the evil of rigidity and guidelines made up by You and Me. Ultimately you are the decider of how, what and when you eat so you are your own gui

delines therefore you never fail therefore your JOY remains.

According to my favorite Bible, The New Living Translation (NLT) in James 1:2 it says; 2 Dear brothers and sisters,* when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. No matter what comes our way, we are capable of having joy and NOTHING can take that away.

Disclaimer: I am by no means perfect and I have been struggling with this which is why I am writing about it.

A quality eat I DEVOURED this weeked

PB & Tart FROYO w/ many unmentionables...

Love and Blessings!

The right kind of wrong

Today was one of those days were I was doin' my thang being Miss Independent from the moment I awoke. I had a list of things that NEEDED to be done and there wasn't anything in the world that was going to stop me. Those days where you just don't care about anything. You tell it how it is and move along. The world is spinning and you are just truckin along making your mark as you go. Telling those you love how you feel and letting those you don't live happily ever after hoping for their best.

I went on my run this morning and it was an utter FAIL. I made it about ONE mile and had to stop... I decided "OH WELL". You lose some, you win some. This one ain't a 'W' that's for sure, unless you mean walk of course. I went to the gym later and couldn't find an ounce of energy in me to do anything. I was in a haze and it felt GOOD. REALLY GOOD.

It's awesome to just have those days where you aren't sure about anything at all but realize the present is right here, right now and it needs to be SEIZED. I'm done worrying about how others feel, what tomorrow will look like, when I will have a career, where I will live and just overanalyzing what is to come.

To boot the kind of day I was having naturally 'Ramona & Beezus' with my lovely Mister was the only answer to all life's problems! This movie had an awesome underlying theme; live for the moment and be crazy, out of order, opinionated and persistent all while treating others with respect and honor. What a cute flick!

Today; I ate movie theatre buttered popcorn, only ran 1.5-2 miles, barely lifted at all, ate cereal way too late, didn't clean my room and forgot to call people BUT I was able to EMBRACE the day and take in what really matters.

At the end of the day I am reminded God is good and everything he has ever done, ever created or thought of is good!

You are good and do only good; teach me your decrees Psalm 119:68

Fresh

Welp since it's sort of a new beginning.. new name= new beginning right?! I think so! Anyways, I figured I'd start with some of my favorites. Of course food will be involved.

As of late my favorite lunch/dinner/snack staple has been these puppies



with some of this

I've also been eating this consistently every morning;

This Vegan Overnight Oats Recipe is straight up from Mrs. Angela! What a wonderful lady she is with all her awesome recipes!

Not food related at all. I was asked recently to be a hair model for a friend at a salon in Phoenix for a Bumble & Bumble hair demo. They ended up cutting off 6-8 inches (yeaaaa quite a bit and the bf was a little apprehensive about that one but he's okay with it now). For doing the demo I got all kind of free product from Bumble & Bumble and I now understand just HOW AMAZING their line really is. One of my favorites is the 'Thickening Hairspray', it's an instant face lift to limp, mousy hair.

I was reminded of a great verse yesterday and it reads;

You are good, and what you do is good; teach me your decrees- Psalm 119:68.

Even when I don't get what I want it still doesn't change the fact that God is good and even though it appears to be mean, unfair and so inconvenient it does NOT change the fact that everything God has ever done and will ever continue to do is GOOD, wonderful and PERFECT. It's like I forget that he died for my sins and PAID MY DEBTS. I am FREE only through him. It is not entitlement but a gift of LOVE. He just rocks and still loves me even when I am a complete snot acting like I deserve the world. I pray that we as children of God will realize he truly loves us and is always seeking out our best interest.

His LOVE.

I just can NOT get over how AWE-SOMLY, great Jesus is. I am a SINNER. Not just like a normal SINNER but a BAD one. Yet to think he still throws his arms open to comfort me when I so decide that I'm fed up with living for this world rather than his perfect will. I was just struck with this today as I was reading through Luke 15 and the Prodigal Son.

On other fronts. Starting some strength training today... It's been oh way too long. I run like a mad woman, well maybe not as much as in the winter and spring since 110 degree weather kind of puts a hinderance on anytime, free-for-all running. I was allowing running to rule my life. Social activities were put on the shelf until RUNNING was done. I'm just trying to find that balance, because I do ENJOY every minute of running (well most of the time) and it is my quiet time.I made this delicious little combo a few days back... Some Chocolate Oats with Blueberries.

Just threw in some 1/2 c/ Almond milk, 1 TBSP Cocoa powder, Sweet N Low (eeek, I know I'm consuming rat poison), 1/2 c. water threw it in the blender then microwaved from about 3 minutes , a la mode Blueberries and in the fridge for some beauty sleep. In the morning: added PB Of course & DEVOUR.

With that being said TODAY can be nothing but GLORIOUSLY AMAZIN'!!!